20111112
It was so wrong to encourage him.
Pure selfishness.
it dint't matter that i'd tried to make my position clear.
If he felt any hope at all this could turn into something other than friendship,
then i hadn't been clear enough.
how could a explain so that he would understand?
i was an empty shell.
like a vacant house,
condemned,
for months i'd been utterly uninhabitable.
now i was a little improved.
the front room was in better repair.
but that was all
just the small piece.
he deserved better than that
better than a one room
falling-down fixer up per.
no amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.
yet i knew that i wouldn't send him away, regardless,
i needed him too much
and i was selfish.
maybe i could make my side clear,
so that he would know to leave me.
i'm in broken pieces.
how much i wished that him had been born my brother,
my flesh and blood brother
so that i wound have some legitimate claim on him
that still left me free of any blame now.
heaven knows i had never wanted to use him,
but i couldn't help but interpret the guilt i felt now to mean that i had.
even more,
i had never meant to love him
one thing i truly knew
knew it in the pit of my stomach,
in the center of my bones
knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet
knew it deep in my empty chest
was how love gave someone the power to break you.
i'd been broken beyond repair.
but i needed him now,
needed him like a drug.
i'd used him as a crutch for too long,
and i was in deeper than i'd planned to go with anyone again.
now i couldn't bear for him to be hurt,
and i couldn't keep from hurting him, either.
he thought time and patience would change me,
and ,though i knew he was dead wrong,
i also knew that i would let him try.
he was my best friend.
i would always love him,
and it would never,ever be enough.
what if he found out about what's on my mind
will he still love me with his whole heart,
no, i knew he won't.....
20111111
我在想
这世界真的有那么美的爱情吗
真的有那么伟大的爱情吗
真的有一个男生可以那么爱一个女生吗
可能身边的朋友影响吧
可能是知道的爱情故事都是这样吧
他们就像打dota
输了就骂几句粗话
然后继续下一场
女生就像衣服,就像...
昨天他说爱你生生死死
今天他就可以追着别的女生
明天就可以牵着别的女生的手
如果真的有一天
真的有那么一天
真的有一个男生那么喜欢我
为了我
可以不顾一切的完成不可能的事
可以很努力很努力的喜欢我
我想我会...
我说
为什么戏里的爱情
都是擦肩而过的
如果肯把爱说出来
一个肯解释
一个肯体谅
结局就可能不一样了
如果肯把爱说出来
一个肯解释
一个肯体谅
结局就可能不一样了
在电影院里
黑暗的灯光
让别人看不到我的眼泪
隐隐约约听到旁边的抽搭声
原来她们都哭了
容易流的眼泪总是特别廉价
那这眼泪是不是只值RM10?
容易流的眼泪总是特别廉价
那这眼泪是不是只值RM10?
111111快乐♥
20111109
20111108
20111107
20111106
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